Everything we see is a reflection of our inner world. Often times when we find ourselves judging or criticizing others, it’s a sign that we don’t like those behaviors in ourselves. Judging others is a positive indicator that we are subconsciously judging ourselves. Just as we cannot truly love someone until we love ourselves, so too we cannot release our judgment of others until we are able to stop judging ourselves.
So how do we undo this tangled web of self-criticism, self-loathing and self-consciousness that has been passed onto us through culture and society? How do we create a new way of thinking and healthy self-talk? Practice.
Like any other task we wish to excel at, this too takes practice. We must dedicate space to learn and grow and achieve in our daily lives. Whether it’s 5 minutes or 1 hour, we must live our intentions and desires each and every day. And we mustn’t forget to be patient with ourselves in the process, as all new skills take time to truly develop. While it’s not always easy, with a little dedication, Love, and awareness, anything is possible!
Here are some tips to help get you started :)
- Stop Being So Hard on Yourself. Nobody is perfect. No one. If you beat yourself up over every mistake or embarrassingly awkward moment, you’ll miss out on all the good ones. Whatever it is that you did wrong, know that’s it’s in the past and let it go. If you don’t like what you’ve done, fix it by intending not to make the same mistake today. Just because you can’t change your past doesn’t mean that you can’t shape your future. Don’t let yesterday steal another tomorrow and make today count!
- Learn to Let Go. There are things that we can change and those that we can’t. Resisting this fact will do you no good. Let go of the things that you can't change and work towards changing the ones you can. When we allow ourselves to let go, we help take the pressure off of ourselves to be perfect all of the time. And once we’ve let go of having to be perfect, judging ourselves seems much less necessary.
- Forgive Yourself. Hindsight is 20/20. Know that you did the best with what you knew at the time. Conditioning will try to convince you that you should have known better and that telling yourself otherwise is a lie. Trust that if you knew then what you know now, you would have responded differently. Believe in yourself. Have faith that you can and will grow from this. Forgive yourself and know that you have always done your best.
- Love Yourself, Unconditionally. This means loving ALL of you. Your strengths, your weaknesses, your idiosyncrasies. Everything. This means accepting yourself exactly as you are right here, right now. It means loving yourself no matter what. No conditions. Ever. Because you deserve so much better than that! When we Love ourselves unconditionally, there’s no room left for judgment, only patience and loving awareness. Practice looking at yourself in the mirror and saying daily, “I Love you unconditionally,” until it no longer feels uncomfortable or weird to do so. Our thoughts become our beliefs, our beliefs our habits, and our habits our actions. If it takes repeating these words over and over until it’s second nature, so be it!
- Practice. If letting go of judgment is truly something you want to do, then take time out to practice daily. Begin by simply being aware of when you have a judging thought. Each time you recognize yourself judging yourself or another, pause to ask yourself where these feelings are coming from. Then work on turning that judgment into Love. It doesn’t matter if someone is loud, annoying or always late, send them loving thoughts anyway. It doesn’t matter if you’re awkward, shy or afraid, Love yourself anyway. The more you practice this, the more Love and loving thoughts you will feel and have to give. And, remember, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right all of the time or even ever! The point is intending to try daily and knowing that evolution takes time.
- Be Patient. As much as we would love it to, true change doesn’t happen overnight so be patient with yourself in the process. Any time you catch your thoughts reverting back to old patterns of judgment, don’t fret. Simply focus on practicing and continuing to improve, rather than allowing your mind to take you down a never-ending whirlpool of judgments:“I knew I couldn’t do this,” “This is too hard for me,” “I’ll never have what it takes,” etc. etc.. At the end of the day, all good things take time and nobody is perfect. Enjoy the journey no matter what it brings and know that Love is always on your side! 💚
Love + Light